


Things and Stuff

by nonamouse



Category: Glee, Glee RPS
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-01
Updated: 2011-04-01
Packaged: 2017-10-19 05:17:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/197314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonamouse/pseuds/nonamouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a bunch of short comment fics I wrote anon. There be slash, het, femslash, gen and RPS here. Mostly G rated, but some mildly NC-17. Glee is not mine, this is not real and did not happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things and Stuff

1\. YOU SHOULD WRITE ME RACHEL GETTING DRUNK AND CLINGING TO QUINN

"Quiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn," Rachel said, laying her head unsteadily on the other girl's shoulder.

"Yes, Rachel?" Quinn said, absently carding her fingers through the fall of Rachel's hair.

"We should be girlfriends. Like my two gay dads, only girls."

Quinn laughed softly. "How do you figure that?"

"Finn sucks. And not in that good way," Rachel made a wobbly face. "And Puck sucks. And... And Sam sucks and Mike has Tina and Kurt is gay. And I like you." She sloppily kissed Quinn on the cheek. "You're pretty."

"You're drunk." Quinn replied.

"That doesn't make it a bad idea. We could get gay married and everything!" Rachel threw her arm across Quinn's body and burrowed more firmly against her.

Quinn huffed softly and pressed a kiss to the top of Rachel's head and thought maybe that didn't sound so bad.

2\. NO IDEA WHAT INSPIRED THIS ONE

The claymore was a heavy weapon, six pounds and almost as long as Santana was tall, but it was her favorite. She liked the heft of it in her hands and the feeling of the strength required to wield it. Sometimes there was great satisfaction in using more force than necessary to take care of business.

She dispatched the last demon with ease, flicking the black blood from her blade before it had time to damage the fine steel and replaced it in the sheath she wore strapped across her back.

"Goddammit, Lopez!"

Santana sighed; Sue and her bullhorn were never far away.

"What now?"

"I thought we were going to work on using your weak hand, Hootie McBoob, what happened to that?"

"It's hard to do it like that," Santana said grouchily.

"You think that's hard?" Sue replied, incredulously. "Try destroying an entire legion of Berith in a night. That's hard!"

Santana sighed and popped her neck.

"Fine, we'll go again."

Sue smiled grimly. "Q! Summon more demons!"

Quinn rolled her eyes and peeled the bandage off her forearm, it didn't take much blood, but it still hurt every time.

3\. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2srOE10Hkk (Watch the vid first)

Jesse didn't technically have to go to class at all, Miss Corcoran fixed it up with administration for him, so he spent most of his day lounging in the lunchroom pretending to read or chatting with other members of Vocal Adrenaline or sleeping. It was just more convenient. No one ever bothered him.

Well, usually no one.

He was caught off guard when Rachel Berry stomped up to him in her sensible flats, school girl skirt swishing around her legs and a bullhorn clutched in her left hand.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," she said with annoyance. "It took me so long to convince the lady in the office that I was your sister and give me your schedule, I found that I was going to have to go get you out of class only to discover that you were not even there! What are you thinking-"

"What are you doing here?" He asked, cutting her off.

"I was just getting to that; if you'd shut up a minute and let me speak, Jesse St. James!" She fumbled with the bullhorn, flicking it on with an ear-shattering squawk of feedback. "I wanted to ask you a question and I decided to do it in song. It's originally sung by a man, but I am going to put my feminine touch on it." With a smile, she pointed the bullhorn directly at his nose and took a deep breath...

4\. Mike & Puck join the knitting club

Puck put on a pair of enormous sunglasses and pulled his baseball cap low over his face, mike rolled his eyes.

"Are you serious with that?" he asked.

"Shut the fuck up, dude," Puck replied. "I don't want anyone to know I'm doing this."

"Why are you doing this?"

Puck scuffed at the linoleum with his Chucks. "Kurt's had his eye on this sweater, there's no way I can afford it, but maybe I can make him one if I learn how."

Mike gaped at him. "That's-"

"Lame? I know."

"I was gonna say sweet, but no one's gonna care, Puck, it's usually just me and miss Pillsbury anyway," he clapped Puck on the shoulder. "C'mon, I'll teach you how to cable."

5\. PUCK WOOS KURT WITH INAPPROPRIATE SONGS

"Don't do it, Puck," Mercedes warned.

"But it's so perfect, there's no way he won't love it."

Mercedes sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine, do what you want, but I will be sitting front and center to say I told you so."

Puck smiled confidently. "Won't even be necessary."

Meanwhile, later, at glee practice

Puck triumphantly unplugged his axe and turned to look at the rest of the glee club. A sea of blank faces looked back at him.

Kurt leaned over to Quinn, "did he say he had something to put in me?"

Quinn nodded. "Yes he did."

6\. KAROFSKY/WILL, SONGFIC "HOT FOR TEACHER"

The new kid in Will's Spanish class looked familiar to him but he couldn't figure out where he'd seen him before. He probably wasn't in glee and Will was almost certain he'd never seen him in any of his other Spanish classes. He paused in front of the kid's desk and the kid looked up at him nervously.

"You new?" He asked.

"Kinda," the kid replied with a mildly puzzled look on his face.

"What's your name?"

"David Karofsky," he said looking utterly gobsmacked, now. "You- you don't know who I am?"

Will's mouth curled up in to a smirk. "Should I?" David shrugged. "Are you even in this class?"

"Not exactly. But I brought my pencil, so you should probably give me something to write on."

7\. I RLY NEED MORE KURT/JEREMIAH IN MY LIFE

Kurt pulled his pea coat a little more tightly around himself as he struggled against the wind to pull open the door of the Lima Bean. He blustered inside and paused for a minute to straighten himself and pat down his hair and, if he was to be completely honest, luxuriate in the smell of the place as it warmed his chilled skin. He stepped briskly up to the counter.

"My usual, Clarence," he said and did a double take. "Oh my God, you're not Clarence"

Not Clarence frowned at him a little and pushed unruly hair behind his ear. "Nope, you're gonna have to tell me what you want."

Kurt had a grace to flush a little. "I'm so sorry."

Not Clarence waved him off. "What'll you have?"

"Double mocha, half caf, light on the foam."

As he turned away to pull Kurt's shots, Kurt watched him work. He was considering telling the guy that a little product would work wonders on his hair when he suddenly realized something.

"I know you," he said. "You're that guy from the Gap. Jeremiah, right?"

Jeremiah dropped the foaming wand in the milk and looked at Kurt. "Oh yeah, you were part of that flash mob that cost me my job," he said a little sourly.

"Yeah," Kurt cringed. "Sorry about that."

Jeremiah sighed, "not really your fault. I never should have gone out with that kid in the first place. He's a little up himself, you know?"

Kurt snorted. He knew.

Jeremiah set Kurt's coffee on the counter. "You seem sweet, though. You want to go grab dinner sometime?"

Kurt almost choked on his coffee. "But you told Blaine-"

"I was letting him down easy. Besides, I won't tell if you don't."

Jeremiah gave Kurt a dirty little smile and Kurt found himself smiling back.

"Okay," he said, "give me your arm." He quickly wrote his cell number on Jeremiah's wrist. "I won't be happy if you lose that."

Jeremiah winked. "I'll call you after work."

8\. KURTOFSKY FLUFF.

The first morning Kurt found a flower in his locker, it kind of freaked him out. He looked up and down the hall waiting for someone to jump out at him with a pee filled water balloon or for the flower to explode Joker-style in a cloud of noxious gas. They didn't, and truth be told, it was really pretty. He shrugged and snapped off the stem and tucked it in his lapel.

It became a routine, though the flowers were different, carnations, roses, daisies and once a particularly beautiful white calla lily. Every morning Kurt would tuck the flower in a buttonhole and go about his day with a small smile on his face. He never once noticed Karofsky hovering at the fringes of his vision, a pleased flush coloring his face.

9\. CHRIS AND MIKE TRADE OFF HATS AND ARE GENERALLY LOLDORABLE AND BFF-Y WITH EACH OTHER. MAKING OUT WOULD BE A NICE ADDITION BUT NOT REQUIRED.

It was a fit of pique and Champagne and made Chris snatch Mike's hat. He stuck his chin out and plopped it on his head and dared Mike to take it back. Mike just smiled indulgently and told him to keep it. He hugged Chris with one arm and chuckled when Chris tucked his head against his shoulder.

"You're a great kid, you know that?"

"Yeah," Chris said happily and pressed a sloppy kiss to Mike's cheek. "I like you too. You smell good."

Mike gave Chris a little squeeze.

10\. TINA ENCOUNTERS MIKE'S GIANT PEEN FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Tina was a master of seduction. Mistress of seduction. Whatever, the point was that she was really good at it. Or maybe Mike was just really easy; either way, she took her time. Under the clothes groping was kind of a new thing and she wanted to enjoy herself. She deftly slipped off one of her arm warmers and sat back on her heels to work on Mike's zipper. He gave her a dumb little smile and raised his hips to give her easier access and

"Whoa," she murmured.

"Why'd you stop?"

"Are you kidding? Look at that thing."

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked like he'd never seen it before. She tapped it with the tip of a finger and watched it bob lightly back and forth like a metronome.

"Tina," he whined. "You're not just gonna look at it are you?"

She licked her lips, "of course not." She took off her other arm warmer, "I just need both hands for this job."

11\. KURT THINKS WATCHING BLAINE MAKE OUT WITH OTHER PEOPLE IS HOT.

Blaine eyed Puck dubiously. He was sprawled casually across Kurt's bed like someone tossed him there, smirking slightly and looking pretty hot if Blaine was going to be completely honest with himself.

"So, you want to watch me make out with him? He's not even gay, is he?"

"Hey," Puck said with mild annoyance. "I'm right here. Besides, lips are lips and I'm-"

Kurt rolled his eyes, "I swear to God, Puck, if you say anything about sex sharks or Puckasaruses I will kill you myself."

Puck shrugged like Kurt had said everything that needed to be said.

"Are we going to get this show on the road, then? Things to do, people to do."

Blaine swallowed and looked at Kurt and Kurt nodded.

"Okay, uh, how do you want to do this?"

"Just come here," Puck said impatiently pulling Blaine against him and brushing their noses together. He smelled lightly of Right Guard and Binaca and hadn't shaved in a day or two and when Puck brought their lips together, Blaine couldn't even believe he'd hesitated. Blaine felt a slight tremor in Puck's hands as they slid into his hair and he moved to press Blaine into the mattress.

Blaine moaned softly into the kiss, rolling his hips against Puck's without really thinking about it; hands scrabbling for purchase in Puck's soft T-shirt and finding skin instead. Kurt's sharp intake of breath made Blaine turn his head to look at him.

Kurt sat next to them, lips parted; eyes unfocused and neck red with a flush that Blaine knew from experience went all the way down. Puck chuckled darkly and went to work on Blaine's neck, slipping a hand under Blaine's shirt to drag rough fingertips up his sides.

"Wanted to do this for awhile, pretty boy," he whispered. "Ever since I saw you make out with Berry."

"Oh," Blaine said, like he knew it all along.

Kurt reached out and carded his fingers through Blaine's hair.

"That's enough, Puck," he said, gently pushing at Puck's head.

Puck pulled away after one last kiss, disappointment plain on his features. He swiped the back of his hand over his swollen lips and started to slide off the bed.

Kurt smiled ferally, "oh, you don't have to go anywhere," he said. "I've still got plans for you."


End file.
